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madame_de_folie
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5th-Dec-2010 04:33 am - and again...2
tattooed

Ok where HAVE you been? Anwar was fucking psycho. I think you know that just as well as I do. So I don't know what he said but I don't think anything that comes out of his mouth can even be considered sane, since I left him as he was turning psycho and he got more psycho with you or so I heard. Correct me if I'm wrong. If he simply told you to not say anything about me, then that was the only smart thing he ever said. Again I will tell you I wasn't going around calling you a whore. Attention Whore yes, a bitch yes, and occasionally slutty in the way you tried to thrust your tits and flirt with guys for the attention and the sheer amusement of turning them on, I guess to feed your inflated ego.
That last part--I still don't know wtf you are talking about. You're ridiculous. Anyways, Jon told me you corrupted Anwar but he was okay again. That was before Jon just decided to kiss your ass again, so don't mind me in thinking Jon might be right about Anwar being okay. But Anwar did go crazy. He would flip out over nothing, claim I was cheating on him with people that didn't exist, just really weird shit.

Again here we go fabricating a whole story based on one word of mouth incident. That was when our relationship was failing. He grew distant and cold, and wouldn't talk to me about anything. I was trying and persisting all I could but he just pushed me away. I was spending more time in the library after school because I didn't want to go home and was having a rough time with guzzo. Her boyfriend kept hanging around me, and we talked about manga. We got into a discussion about Fruits Basket I think, and hung out together the next few days to talk about manga after everyone went home. I noticed he was starting to flirt with me and it was funny because of how insanely nervous he was. He was also confiding in me that he didn't like Nikkis behavior at the time, how she was ignoring him and ditching him to go get attention from you and other people, and was being a jerk to him. She was a cool person, but I didn't like that attention grabbing stuff either. So yeah, my opinion changed when her boyfriend told me how upset he was with her. One day after sitting around talking about manga and anime, we kissed. A peck on the lips! ooh so bayud. I regretted it right away since he was being a creeper. Guzzo wouldn't talk to me already and I was pissed that he got mad at me for something so stupid. The next thing I knew, Dan got busted with Nikki and immediately told her that I was all over him trying to seduce him and manipulate him and everyone bought it. REALLY. If I wanted to put any effort to go out of my way and seduce someone especially during a rocky relationship, I certainly wouldn't have picked such a pathetic person. There were a lot of misunderstandings between me and Alex that we didn't resolve until earlier this year actually, but we spoke and cleared everything up between us and patched everything, but that's another story that again, is none of your business.
Theres no fabrication, you just admitted to everything I wrote regarding this. Simply because you were persuaded into disliking Nikki, doesn't change the timing that it took place in. Since I was getting so much hell or being a cheater, I thought it was bs especially since some of that hell came from people who were in such support of you but disliked me-like Jon and Karlene at the time.  And you need to choose which point you'll stick with -- either a kiss is innocent so therefore its not as bad as having sex, or cheating and getting some is no different than cheating because these points seem to contradict themselves yet you use both of them in your defense. Anyways- I don't care about Guzzo at this point, back in those days, I was still upset over losing him.

If there's anything me and Miki said about you, it's just the truth of how you became a jackass to your friends and went around with Warren and whoever you had when your boyfriend of the time wasn't around. It wasn't just me and Miki, it was everyone that you pissed off in the same way that already came to the same conclusions. If Miki was saying anything more then I don't know about it because all I wanted was to stay out of things and not get involved or have your name be apart of my life. That's all I was ever doing, and yet I had to keep defending myself against accusations. Because you ASSUME I was saying shit and calling you a whore and instead of being the better person and brushing it off you jump at every opportunity to go 'well if she's calling me that then let ME tell you about HER!' without even confirming if I had even said a word.
I don't think I have to touch more on the Anwar thing, yes he went crazy. Yes he is crazy. Yes he got caught dealing drugs, not with me--with the other Lauren, I got blamed for it though despite the fact that I had lectured him 100x about not doing drugs. I never became a jackass to my friends. You're still wrong in that. Just because you guys thought it was okay to label me a snob or a bitch if I had a bad mood yet then say its okay for you to act out because of a bad mood, doesn't mean I was a jackass of a friend. And I do believe Guzzo twisted a lot of things just to gain sympathy after reading what you wrote which thanks, now I don't have to think he's pathetic-I'll know it for a fact. Same conclusions? Again, all of these people you're speaking of had no solid ground so saying that theres a strength in number here really is like saying if they all jumped off the cliff, you'd jump too since both of those are stupid decisions/conclusions. Chez, you had fights with me--we did argue, you did call me a whore/slut to me at one point and tried making witty remarks. So when I heard it from other people, do you think I'd second guess it? Please. And no it wasn't quite like that, if I heard you called me a whore, I'd be like "thats fucking stupid. since she knows I don't sleep with people and (so forth about ME, not you)" and then there'd be some remark like "well she told me about warren and how you do this and that" and since noone from our school knew warren outside of you, lisa, and miki I knew it was coming from one of you. So then I'd be like "thats cool, she blew his friend within the first week of knowing him, and then hooked up with him while he was hooking up with me, any other questions" and that'd be that. It'd be that way for any time period.

I don't know why you were talking to Jon because he didn't care either way for all of that time. I went to hang out at Ramapo a few times to hang out with him and his friends, his new girlfriend at the time, etc. If he told me about that conversation you had with him it was immediatly dismissed, because he wasn't going to not have his best friend hang out with him because of you, who wouldn't even be around when I was there. It's not like you hung out with him there. He couldn't have the time to leave campus and drive out elsewhere and it was easier for me to go hangout there and meet his friends there when we both had free time.
Um believe me when I say he made you out to be anything but a friend to him, which is why I didn't think it'd be an issue. And his gf was my roommate, so yeah it bothered the all living hell out of me since I had just gotten settled in and did you really think I wanted my roommate being friends with someone I had such problems with? I had told her briefly about you when we first met cause i introduced her to Jon, and i had made a comment to jon about leaving nutley behind, including all of the bitches that I despised.

Well I guess he changed his mind because he said it was no problem that I go up there and hang out once in a while. He was fed up with Anwar, not me. Other people were ticked thinking I turned Anwar into a raging lunatic but he did that to himself. It was the day I had finally told him seriously that I could not and did not want to be with him and he needed to not cry and take it like a man. He called out of work, went to Jons house of all places, locked himself in the bathroom, and beat the fuck out of himself and the bathroom till Jon had to break down the door and Anwar was in a daze. That scared the shit out of me and everyone involved and no one wanted to deal with him anymore. That was all him. The times I went to Ramapo I had no intent on being around you, I was there to hangout with my best friend and meet his friends and girlfriend.
Yes, Anwar is batshit insane. We get it. He's the reason for many things having been postponed, so do I care about him or see him in any type of positive regard now? No. His name was used because that was part of history, not because I was defending him. He's worse these days than ever before. Again, I had gone away on purpose, and I wanted no reminder of you or anything about that hs near me. And if my roommate became friends with you, she probably would want to chill with you and eventually I felt I'd have to see you, or hear about you. I just wanted to forget everything and it was like Jon just made it stick.

Oh this parts great. Yeah it wasn't just him but Jolie and anyone else who even talked to you that told me how bad you were freaking out. Saying that it was your college and I had no business being there and that you would alert the campus authorities and hand out my picture and have me removed from the premises if you even thought that I was going to be there. Everyone I met there had 'heard of me' through you, and had these god-awful misconceptions about me that were immediately cleared after meeting me and talking to me. I had not talked to you, about you, or heard anything regarding you till then, so I was literally laughing my ass off. I didn't go to Ramapo JUST for you, jesus my best friend was there and I was invited to hang out and meet people. When they told me that, we came up with the idea of pushing your buttons that one time as a joke. We didn't think you'd take it so seriously. We wrote the note, Jolie agreed to let us into the building, Jorge stamped it on the door and knocked and we ran. It was a practical joke, I had no idea you were going to flip out so hard. I still think it was kind of funny at the time.
First of all Jolie is a dramatic, piece of shit slob. I had caught her talking shit more times than I could count. About you, about me, about Jon, about everyone to everyone. She would leave her AIM up and go to class so after suspecting that she was kissing my ass then talking shit, I looked at it one day and I found her convo with Jon going off about how I was saying this or that about you, when I hadn't mentioned you at all that day, about how I was being a bitch to her, when I had barely spoken to her. I had told her she needed to be cleaner because if you had to live with her, you'd want to shoot yourself unless you like shit being everything, food rotting in corners of the room, your bed being fucked in, etc. And everyone you met? Him and her were the only two people I spoke to that were friends with them and met you. So I don't know who this "everyone" is-- but I spoke to almost noone. I kept going home. And its funny cause in your myspace message you go on to say you followed me and Jolie had no part in it. That you weren't with Jon or Jolie, that you did it just to do it and they didn't know you were even on Campus and they all played it off. SO if it was a joke, why not just own up to it all?

HOW WOULD YOU EVEN COME TO THAT CONCLUSION IF YOU OR YOUR FRIENDS ARENT STALKING MY SHIT THAT HARD JUST WAITING FOR A COINCIDENCE FOR YOU TO BLOW OUT OF PROPORTION.

Shelly asked me about you that night she commented you because she was on my fb and looked at the screencap and asked why it was funny to me. I explained, she checked your twitter, and saw madd nutley posts. Thats how. And the Phil's profile thing was to keep an eye on Anwar, more than anything else, because he had kept trying to come back and he had also been starting madd shit with me. I told Phil I looked at your profile too to see if he was doing the same thing to you and then I mentioned how I thought certain shit was weird. But it was mostly centered on Anwar being crazy and since had chased my boyfriend's car for four blocks, knew how much my bf tipped a waiter at 4am on a random night, and would sneak into my bedroom after my parents left--I felt I should be prepared for anything new he was planning.

That time with Jon was a whole nother ordeal. That was a big bump in the road with me and Jorge, but it happened. We were going through a rough spot and I made a mistake. Oh whoopdeedoo. How does that matter to anything? The people who mattered who were involved talked it out and fixed things. What business is it of yours, and how is my indiscretion a much bigger deal than any of yours? Why does my shit even MATTER to you? That time was what led to my first major fight with Jon actually, which led to us not talking for a few months.
If its only the people involved that matter, than who were you to say anything back in high school about me? regardless of what you "assumed," or how you felt I portrayed myself. And the whole reason I involved myself was because that was when jon, and you were calling me a whore--again you wrote it to me or something where it was directly coming from you, for the Anwar thing. And I was like "wtf so I have an affair with Anwar, and I'm a whore yet she sleeps with someone who has gotten to know her bf and seems to be friends with him and thats okay? yeah fuck that." And because Jon was such a brute, of course i was going to be a bitch to him and say something to him.

called you an attention whore. Not the same thing ok? I thought you were a hypocritical bitch for ranting and raving about me when you were doing basically the same thing but apparently lying to anyone who confronted you about being with Anwar. So the fact that you had less of a sex life than me, makes me a whore? That doesn't make sense, but whatever. Why you compare with your life being the basis for all that is correct and mine being wrong, Idk. I'm sorry that the rest of the world does not follow the same sexual patterns as you and anyone who might possibly have sex when you aren't is a whore. I obviously missed that memo. I again state, I was NOT calling you a whore and would like to know who the fuck your sources are and why you keep thinking and assuming that I must be calling you a whore. Like I said, GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT. You were in journalism in high school, didn't you learn anything? Cite your sources. If I ever called you a whore it was once or twice because I was pissed off because you were talking trash about me and my life, and it was long before any of this had occurred. I called you an ATTENTION whore. Emphasis on ATTENTION. If your sources like to abridge my words, then that's your problem for even caring.

Its not that you had sex at a different time as much, its how many people you're screwing at one time/same general time period. So don't try to twist my words there. And like I said, you had called me a whore to me in the past, why would I think you'd have let go? Posting the note, regardless if it was a joke, didn't say much. And here you are advocating that I go up and talk to you if I hear something, umm all these people who told you I said shit-you could have just asked why I was saying something or if I really was cause Jolie LMFAO what a joke. Jolie as a source for anything other than how to be a fucking disgusting bitch is useless. And again, never was an attention whore. Really, cut that out. I don't even like attention in most general areas of life, nevermind from people who I considered lacked intelligence or common sense. The only people I really like attention from are my boyfriend and close friends, everyone else can ignore me and i'll be perfectly happy with that.

Ok I have to even ask, why and how were you so up to date on shit for someone who wanted absolutely nothing to do with me? That's why I was getting ticked off, and that's why I still get ticked off. It's not sex with numerous people, I wasn't having a fucking orgy, and why does that matter to you so goddamn much? I wasn't shamelessly thrusting myself at every guy who wasn't my boyfriend or sucking dick for attention. I had self-respect. I made choices, not all of them fair or nice or smart, but not terrible. I made choices to have sex, now half of that was terrible. Again, why did you go for my sloppy seconds? I could have told you he was absolutely a waste of time. And psychotic. I was seeing two guys in the beginning because I was still young and reckless and couldn't make a choice, and yeah it was all open, I didn't lie about shit, and it wasn't anyones business but ours. Then I had one fling, months after that Anwar fiasco, again for it's own reasons. Why does this mean so much to you? It's no different from your life except I actually had a sex life with who I was with. I'm sorry that two people in one time frame is trashy, I would call that having a life.
So to have a life you need to have sex with two people? I don't understand where you were going with that one. And I knew about what was going on with you because you still had mutual friends with me. And if you pissed some one off, say Guzzo or Jon or whoever, I'd hear about it.

Regarding Brenda:

Ohmygod that was A LOT of fucking reading. I don't know what the fuck is up with the two of you. I don't know why she feels the way she does about you anymore, I don't know why you decided it was your goal to get Phil to break up with her. I have NO IDEA. The only part I played in it was telling her to just not listen to you, and yeah I told her that you were dead weight I no longer had to put up with--cause thats how I saw you. You admitted like fifty times that you called me a shitty friend and wanted nothing to do with me, thats basically what i was saying to her. SO calm the fuck down. You should not have mentioned me to Phil, I was not fueling a fire- I was advising her to let the fire burn out, if not extinguish it. But she felt you were giving her reasons to hate her through various things, I suppose, and so I defended her because people started actively trying to get Phil to end it with her. And I thought that was fucked up. You go over in this numerous times how things between two people are their own business and no one else's, that applies to them too than and everyone should have stayed out of it. Thats that.

Yeah because you don't do the same thing "you know who you are". Like I said, don't make yourself a hypocrite. I'm not even sure what post you are referring to unless it's after I began using Analytics just for kicks and saw how Nutley and several other towns were stalking my tumblr reeeaal hard. I figured it was you two and/or your friends, and wasn't surprised. If it's the post I'm thinking of, it was after I was made aware you all were hovering on my blog and you were off posting about me (indirectly I might add, so you 'pussy around shit' just as much). Who links you things anyway? Do you have some mysterious spy to keep tabs on my life on the off chance you'll be mentioned? Like I said, paranoid. Just like the facebook thing, and any time before that. How would you even be linked to something of mine that quickly and efficiently unless you have stupid fucking friends who you have do all your spy work for you when you are off 'having a life'?
I knew if I called you out directly, you'd just try to turn it on me saying you weren't aiming at me and that it was about someone else. So yeah, I did say you know who you are-because low and behold you did. And no, the post I'm talking about was a while ago. There is nothing on my tumblr from that time period regarding you. So...you really did bring this upon yourself when it came to that-in fact I think the entry had to do with me and Brenda being this or that, but it was months ago and I was fed up with it after hearing you mentioned me to Phil as a problem. And no, sometimes an ANON links me, other times its because you've offended someone else and they let me know. Fallon knows who you are, obviously, but she didn't even know how to work tumblr til yesterday. And Shelly only this week heard about you and your shit; so it wasn't me and my friends. I have 4 nutley followers according to google analytics, Fallon is the only person from this town I talk to. Should I assume its your boyfriend? Should I hunt them down or make numerous tweets? I won't. I don't care what location comes up. I never make anything of mine private or change my name or anything because its the internet; its open to anyone no matter what you do; and because I don't care who reads what I have to say. But if you have something to say about me/to me, then I advise you to just bring it to me and my implicating posts weren't always just about you. I deal with a lot of idiots, drug addicts and beyond--just because what I could say about one of them, I could also say about you--doesn't mean its always about you.

Lol what other connections? Who else but the person who tries repeatedly to get into my pages, find posts and notes I make, and comment and criticize them like they are all about you? How can you even know anything unless you aren't naturally just stalking my shit that hard, waiting for the opportunity to bitch about something? The only other person from nutley on tumblr who even cares is my BF and he doesn't go to my page itself since he's following me. So tell me dearie, what did you check out, who could possibly have any interest in my life other than you, just as it's always been? And that twitter thing was an accident as I stated because the stalkers I had began to come from twitter when I changed my tumblr URL to avoid them. Checking on your twitter proved me right even further that you are so up to date on my blog and making comments about it.
Doesn't Jon live here? And just because your bf is following you, doesn't mean he wouldn't show up. My boyfriend is following me yet his location still shows up. You checked my twitter and were proven right? LMAO, there was barely anything on my twitter for you to run with. And my tumblr entries did criticize a lot of things, but yes Brenda did tell me that she was having problems with you again n so I did say my own shit.

I call you a hypocrite because literally right after you set one standard or rule or criticism about anyone or anything, you then immediately go and do it yourself, as I pointed out in my first post. My life has had zero hypocrisy in it. You are the one who jumps to conclusions, makes assumptions, and spreads your 'truth' to anyone who will sit still long enough. You are the one who runs your mouth and mocks my life, as if your life is totally justified and you are just a responsible mature little saint. I. Don't. Say. Shit. I never have. And I never will. You are the only one thinking I am and instead of talking to me about it or even seeing if it's true just assuming it is and saying as much shit about me as you possibly can.

Actually I don't break the rules I set. I'm very very strict about things. Your life has had 0 hypocrisy? Oh boy. Let me inform you of something else, the hangouts you went to with Miki and Jorge at Bergen's people's houses--yeah, they would complain bout how you and Miki would either kiss or try to dance sexy or whatever to get attention yet you call me an attention whore? I am a responsible, mature person at this point. I work my ass off, I already go to school, I make shit happen that needs to happen. And if you don't say shit, wtf did you even post anything for? The bitch entries on tumblr? the tweets? etc? Were those your angry responses? Because as you've stated, in order to respond, you'd have to initially see something I wrote...so...you were watching too. If it started with one of my first entries, and it was barely anything, why even respond if you pride yourself in ignoring so often? You act like you just always look the other way, but you don't. You are just as drawn in when people tell you I've said things, you look into it, you try to poke fun at it and then this shit happens.

Constantly comparing your life to mine to make yourself look better is pathetic and shows insecurity. If I say I'm better than you it's because I'm not a stupid bitch who likes to gossip and be an attention whore and preach one thing while doing the opposite.

I'm not even responding to the whole moving in argument, at this point, whatever you say is what I'll say to that. And believe me, I have no insecurities regarding this subject. I'm more confident in myself when it comes to living with my boyfriend and succeeding than words can even truly capture. I'm definitely not a stupid bitch, sweetheart. A stupid bitch couldn't get nearly have of what I get done.  A stupid bitch could not handle working 14hours three-four days a week, going to classes three days, taking exams, maintaining a social life, and still finding time to deal with any normal stress. Likes to gossip? LOL, theres no gossip in this. Because how I feel things went down is just that--how I feel they went down. When I hear things about you or whatever, I don't concern myself until I'm dragged in--LIKE WHEN YOU MENTIONED ME TO PHIL. Then I get pissed. Again with the attention whore, ugh you're just freaking dense. Attention whore, ahaha, you have no clue how much I would have appreciated being left alone all through out high school. Preaching one thing and doing the opposite? I preach that people need to get jobs, earn money, move forward. I do that. I preach that people should have the balls to call out someone they have a problem with if it bothers them that much, NOT post stupid shit. You clearly, judging by what I've read yesterday, thought it was me or brenda the entire time-why wouldn't you just say our names? Were you a little uncertain but wanted to come off certain? It made no sense. Everyone I have a problem with, knows exactly how I feel about them and I'm okay with that. If they want to start, I'll finish it and it will stop.

much like it takes time for your bf to transfer and find work and move across the country just to live in a basement. Srsly, why? Why not go to california? If my bf were in cali I'd be there in a heartbeat, especially if I brag about having jobs and so much money, I'd think I could afford it if he can afford to downgrade. And I like how you seemed to not care when I was living out and working but suddenly for reasons you don't even care about, when I have to make a decision and move somewhere and lost the opportunity for work, you jump right fucking on that to criticize. WHY ARE YOU SO UP TO DATE ON MY LIFE AND BITCHING ABOUT ME IF YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
He already basically found work, he came here for one week and got all of that straightened out. He's finishing his last month of school. I'm not going to Cali because I'm not a selfish bitch, and while it'd be great to run off into the sunset with my boyfriend I'm sticking around to finish the school I started and be around for my little brother as he grows up. My family wants me here, my friends want me here, it'd be selfish to run off to Cali and leave them all behind. It'd also be ignorant since I'm almost done with school here. It wasn't going to be a downgrade, not all of us have shitty family lives. My mom and I used to clash a lot but we don't anymore. And the whole point of him living at my grandma's with me was because we were going to give my dad money every month, to save and then when I finished school my dad was going to give the money back to us so we could put a down payment on a house. There was a lot more planning to it than how you made it out. It wouldn't be a downgrade at all; my boyfriend and I know that as long as we're together, we're happy-doesn't matter if its a cardboard fucking box, but we wanted to be smart about this. And I promised him that when i was done with school, we'd move back to Cali. When you were living out? When did you live out? You always lived with some boyfriend, didn't you? Did you even pay rent? I used to pay 750 a month and really take care of myself. At one point you tried insulting me by writing about how you're so happy you don't have some pathetic retail job like a video store-probably making minimum wage; LOL you were "comparing" your life to mine-- and I wasn't ever making minimum wage, sweetheart, which was just a great laugh to read because if I could afford 750 + bills + food + fun still, I'm pretty sure I was doing quite well for myself at the age of 19-20. Again, the updates all happen at once when theres an issue about me being brought up. Your issue with Phil regarding me happened after you moved, I think, maybe not, its been awhile-so of course i was told everything.

Yeah that doesn't show up in my feed, or anywhere on my twitter by the way. Idk why. I didn't notice anything until I saw I was 'listed'. Real cute. So you can't say anything directly to me unless your friends do it first or back you up so you can have the courage? Cowardly lion? I didn't want the attention like you do, I wanted to get the message across to WHOEVER (since you claim it was not you at all) was stalking me so they'd take the hint to fuck off.
Umm do you know how to work twitter? Theres a sidebar that says "@(your twittername)" you click that and can see anyone that says anything to you using your twitter name. I'm not a coward about anything. I have no fears at this point, outside of losing the people I love and care about to things beyond my control. A little shit like this doesn't not intimidate me. And she said something because she thought you were a pathetic loser for posting nutley bitches so many times after she clicked your link from the thing I screencapped, as now mentioned 10000000x.

Well now you know how deluded you really are. Look who's talking.
Being that I never acted like I was "hitting it" left and right, yeah--you are pretty fucking diluted. So many times while defending myself to other people, I had to make it clear that I wasn't fucking anyone. So even in those present times, I said "I am not sleeping with anyone" and yet in your response you go off about how it seems I'm sleeping with people. Were you just retarded back than? And since you were my friend at one point, I would have told you if I had slept with someone. Brian was the first person I slept with. Anwar was the second, as already mentioned. Yeah, you're right I went down on a few other guys, but not nearly as many as you make it out to be. And I thought Warren and I would date, but we disappeared on eachother. I liked Frank but found him to be a douchebag who got addicted to drugs, I liked Pat but he moved. I wasn't just going around doing shit with random people. I had intentions of being with them until they would prove that it'd be stupid to try to make anything work. Throwing my boobs at people? AHAHAH. I wore shirts that showed cleavage, yes. I never in my life tried putting my chest in someone's face. Thats just so bizarre. We made fun of Lavekia for doing that, and it was never brought to my attention that anyone felt I did that too so yah... no.

Not arrogant? I'm not even going to touch on that one. I wouldn't call it moving forward if you with your lovely jobs and mad monies are backtracking and moving into a hell hole and dragging your bf there with you. You clearly don't know anything I've been doing in my life, or why some people have no choice but to wait until they actually can make a difference. Like I said, I had work here when I did, then it wasn't as easy. So I decided to give up after doing every last thing I could. I'm fine just helping out my grandparents and doing what I can outside you're realm of what makes a person a better person. It's not all about status or material things. You could try improving yourself, and stop being a gossipy bitch. Why do you even CARE what is going on with my life that you read every fucking post I make, thinking that must be everything? Like I'm going to blog about every fucking detail of my life? Perhaps maybe I only want to refer to the future and what we're working towards rather than divulge everything about my life to the public internet?
Again, its not a hellhole. I love my family dearly, they adore him and even call him their future son-in-law. Theres nothing wrong with them wanting him to be around me and them the first year of us dating to make sure they can trust him to live with me. But thats not even happening anymore--which btw, how the fuck would you know those details unless you went back and read all those plans? Really, that shit wasn't mentioned recently. In fact, I've been talking about our apartment recently because we have decided to get our own place, we have it picked out, we're moving in at the end of this month. I've spoken to the landlord a few times. So you're not even correct. You weren't reading recent posts, but older ones...hmm. 

Yeah you keep trying but when a person like you, goes on like you do, says the things you say, criticizes one thing than does it herself, I hardly consider them anything more than mud. What you have materialistically does not make who you are as a human being. And you're a pretty fucking shitty human being. The way you do nothing but compare your life and yourself to being better than everyone else for the stupidest repetitive reasons makes you an arrogant dumbass. Who might I add is the ONLY one who talks shit with all your crazy information and sources and yet 'doesn't give a fuck'.

I don't criticize something and then do it. Oh my lord, you're repetitive as fuck. Yes, I'm a shitty human being because I'm the type of friend who will show up at any time in any weather no matter what she has going on in her own life just to listen to someone's problems, get them their favorite food and try to make them feel better. I'm a shitty person because I'm the daughter that tries to come home on time every night just to play with her baby brother before going to sleep, and spend time with her sisters. I'm a shitty person because i set out of be a good example for my sisters by telling them never to repeat my mistakes, not curse/smoke in front of them, etc. I'm a shitty person because when some of my friends were in really bad places, I took time out of my own life and called out of work to help them get back up. I'm a shitty person because every day I wake up and try to make my boyfriend moving here easier on him. I'm a shitty person because I dislike people who talk shit but don't back it up. I said what I felt about you, I backed it up with what I remember and the reasons for the way I felt. And up until this time, you have never backed up anything. I work very very hard to have everything I do, and just because some of it is materialistic does not make that work any less of an effort or valuable. The way I do nothing besides compare myself? Hunny, if I did nothing but compare myself then I wouldn't have anything to compare. Don't flatter yourself in thinking you are the only thing I spend time on. I get a lot done in a day, you're just the a little situation right now. And I never said I'm better than everyone else? A lot of people tell me that, but I just set out to be better and I make sure I'm hell of a competitor. People who tell me I come off as if I think I'm better than everyone else, are usually people who cannot measure up to me in whatever it is we're comparing. If I say that I love my job and that I'm a great salesperson and that I defeat stores by myself; thats not me saying I'm better than everyone else-thats me saying what i'm doing, how I'm doing and challenging anyone who thinks they could do better. If you think you're better, than just rise up and be better-don't just sit there telling me I'm arrogant, that does nothing for you. But like I said, you think you have it all figured out with this moving thing-ahaha, go for it, but I doubt it. You shouldn't care what I have to say though, since I'm just some stupid bitch and all. In the end, I don't give a fuck. I love writing, I love debating, I love all of that-- but at the end of the night, when I'm laying down, talking to my boyfriend, or when I'm in a class, taking a midterm, or when I'm at work, earning my money--you are nowhere to be found in my mind.

If other people can't make it to and through college because of poor HS grades and no full college fund then like I said, there'd be a fuck ton less people going to college and turning their lives around. And it's funny that the details of my life you cling to so hard to make yourself look like the better person are actually the most insignificant things in my life, which is why it's annoying that stupid shit is what people like to hang on to and never drop. The parts of my life that make a difference and matter to me, that were important at the time, the major chunks of time inbetween your little memories where you seem to think I did nothing but talk about you, and that I've worked to move on past you thankfully didn't get your paws on because I really don't feel like having to correct a longer delusional biography of my life.

I cut this down because the first part was so fucking redundant. You're right, MOST couples do that shit-but aren't you the one who goes off about how YOU'RE NOT LIKE MOST COUPLES? And for christ's sake, woman, you do need to have decent grades. You need to take the SATs to get into college, do you think you'll even score high enough in the math and writing department with no preparation or anything after being out of school for so fucking long? I doubt it. You'll be forced to go to a county/community school, which isn't bad but I really highly doubt you'll be earning enough to pay what you need to even with student loans, the apartment, the utilities of the apartment, the food, and so forth. Have either you or Paolo ever lived on your own for real? I'm not the dillusional one here, buddy. But thats okay, this will be your mistake. And clinging to these parts of your life--haha because they are important. IF you had just done well in hs, and gone to college at the normal time-not 3-4 years later, you'd be done by now and maybe all this shit you so go on about would be more realistic but when you sit there and go off about you'll have all of this, then bash other couples, its fucking stupid. You have made so many arrogant comments about your relationship before I even touched any subject regarding you that you would think you'd have something to brag about already having, NOT JUST WHAT YOU PLAN ON HAVING. Glad you're in love, thats awesome, it won't pay the bills. Plan better. Or just don't insult other couples and describe your relationship as being more real than other people's, that's so fucking crazy. How would you even know any details of phil and brendas relationship unless you and probably jon werent playing gossipy bitches, waiting for them to breakup? Take a step back.

You're really proving me right tho because before I even knew anyone was all up in my shit, you in the past tried to get in, and were there again, making comments and criticisms, and everything when I had not said two words. I'm allowed to call whoever is fucking living on my tumblr a bitch, you getting pissed means it was you. I had right to check your pages when I saw where it was coming from and it just showed me that it was in fact you.
Baby girl, noone got pissed. Shelly couldn't stop laughing, and I was tearing up I was laughing so hard. Again, don't flatter yourself.

Yeah you totally had your story straight. Those things happened alright, but totally not in any way you had in mind. And other people? What your crazy ass friends who only know your story or your psychotic fuck buddies? Yeah right. You're the one who doesn't care, right? Then stop caring so much about the past. I grew up and got over it and it hasn't come back till now. I'm the only one who is moved on from my entire past, from the truth of the past, but you and your stupid ass friends like to keep coming back regularly. You love the attention but I keep my shit private and delete or ignore anyone who is a pain in the fucking ass, so as not to start shit and to be the adult and just keep to myself and my life.
My story is straight. Especially regarding Guzzo, but I did need that info from you to really see how that went down so thanks! :D My crazy ass friends, LOL, no but people who were around for all of that as it happened. So then why'd you take it off private? If you're so much bigger than us why did you even respond to anything? Why'd you post so many tweets, so many blogs, etc? Because you wanted to say something back which is all this is. Its all about getting the final word in, isn't it? About proving who's wrong? Well, most people who dislike me, darling, have the iq of a 2 year old... impulsive little bitches they are. Most people who like me and consider me a good person are very intelligent and pretty damn successful in their lives, that goes outside of the close friends i hangout with on an everyday basis. Shit got out of hand regarding a relationship that had nothing to do with you or other people who were giving their opinions, I stepped in because everyone else thought it was their job to attack. The past got brought up because its what forms all of the reasons I think you're such a horrible waste of life. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe you've changed, maybe there was a lot of miscommunication--who the fuck knows. I feel the way I do because I remember my thoughts from back than, I remember seeing you as a manipulative cunt--but you've shed light on the fact that Guzzo is pretty manipulative himself, so that does change some of this but not all of it.



That's great that you like to feed the fire because you know you hate it when people talk shit about you, you hearing my name and wanting nothing to do with anything, so it's great that you take every opportunity to run your mouth. I dismiss that shit and block it, I keep BS out of my life, I don't thrive off it like you do. I'm not "afraid", I just know to not beat a dead horse and feed pussy anons who want to start shit on the internet. My life and my past is my business and anyones opinions of me they can keep to their fucking selves. I never said shit. You again assume I do always but rather than confirm it or ignore it you just flame left and right in retaliattion. Real mature, dipshit. So I hope this has been enlightening for you. You and your friends can go back to circle jerking your delusional lives away. As long as you and anyone associated to or with you, stays the fuck out of my life and my personal business.

I do respond to everything because I've been the person to not respond in the past, and it has just gotten worse for me when I didn't take my own action. I've silenced a lot of people by being the way I am and they don't fuck with me or my friends anymore. We don't give a fuck about you as long as you don't try to interfere in any of our lives. I will protect an stand up for all those I am friends with. You try to be a bitch to one of my friends about her relationship, I'll attack yours with everything i've got for all the fucking flaws it has. Stay away from us, we'll stay away from you. Posting all of that garbage about karma when shit happened with brenda and phil? Really? Why even bother with it if you're so goddamn mature? I tell you what, if your relationship fails like I predict it will, I'll post a huge picture about it, insulting everything about you and labeling it as karma. Seem mature enough? Yeah, it wouldn't be. PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH and STAY THE FUCK OUT OF ME AND MY FRIENDS' BUSINESS. Maybe you don't know what its like to be a good friend and have a good friend and maintain that, maybe you have no clue what its like to be close to family--but I treat my good friends like family, and I'll be damned if i let any bitch talk shit about them with such arrogance--like saying that its karma that someones relationship failed and how yours is so much better and more real than hers ever could have been; you try to insult me for comparisons when you make them yourself but about such trivial things. Can you really argue over who has better love? Thats what you're arguing. You outdid yourself there.
Anyways...
My point was made clear-stay the fuck away from me and my friends; and we'll do the same. I am a very very civil person given the circumstances of how much stupid bullshit I put up with on an every day basis. And almost anyone who knows me well can tell you its scary how calm I remain even under the most crucial of situations, this isn't crucial at all - but believe me, I've been civil throughout this. So move on with your life, as you say you do and are, and don't speak another word of me or brenda or my friends, if we're that so insignificant to you. And if I hear you are, I will come to you--first by checking into your websites since thats how I'd find you anyways--and then I'll message you and we'll figure out what the fuck is going on, but don't be surprised if the sources are these people you consider so close to you, outside of your boyfriend that is. You'd be surprised as to how dramatic your own friends are. Mine are dramatic in the sense that they speak their mind about every little thing and don't hold back, which causes problems. Yours are dramatic in the sense that they play two sides, manipulate shit, and twist things. I'm happy with my side. GOODNIGHT.
I believe we're done here. -.-
5th-Dec-2010 04:33 am - Here We Go Again...1
tattooed
First: I never sent anyone to harrass you VIA ANON. I don't do ANON. I let my formspring have ANON for my friends and I to have some fun at eachother, and then someone decided to defend you and Brian, went off on a rant about my cheating on Brian, and so forth so I did figure they were friends with you or your bf. But...moving on...

All I remember during those times was you and Ashley hating each other. I don't recall her ever saying anything to me, nor did I ever say a word to her. It was between you and her. Fallon was her friend at the time, I was yours. All I knew was that I was on your side of things against some crazy ass person who hated you for stupid reasons. If they made comments about those things, it was not brought to my attention until much afterwards. And I like how you are trying to say that cheating on boyfriends is not nearly as bad as being a bad friend. How does that even add up? It's two completely different things, one neither worse nor greater than the other.
Both Fallon and Ashley would try to make comments about us being stupid goths, or some dumb bs of that nature, and at one point while Ashley was fighting with me she went off about how I only have friends who are replicas of me, and that I was nothing to desire to replicate so it made you and Lisa worse. Eventually you did bring up to me that you were hearing that kind of shit and you acted like it was my fault, you were mad at me--or at least you showed anger towards me. I didn't start that, and I even told Ashley you were your own person and we just had shit in common. 
I got condemned day in and day out for being a cheater by people who would backstab everyone in the blink of an eye. I thought it was ridiculous that simply because I decided to be with another person after emotionally and physically being torn away from whoever I was dating at the time could be so ridiculed yet these same people would pretend to be friends with people, as soon as those people walked away talk madd shit. That comparison wasn't just aimed at you.

Yeah before I was friends with you I didn't care much for my appearance, I was really young and I liked being wacky. I had the green for a while and wore funky clothes because I just felt, hey why not. I was young. I didn't think I could pull off an actual look, or took the time to bother about it. It just wasn't a priority to me. And hey, those sports bras were comfy. I wasn't fully developed yet, so who cares? You handed me some clothes and told me to give it a shot, and to mention layers I believe you wore regularly padded bras under low cut tank tops with built in bras already inside, often letting your bra peek out from your shirt for the guys. You lent me a few clothes and it was fun, we were friends, it was like playing dress up. Big deal? If Ashley was saying those things about me being a ripoff, that's just retarded. I wanted to try a style like that but never took the time to bother with it, since my friends previously weren't uber concerned with appearances and it just never came to mind. I didn't think I could pull it off so I just never bothered. True, you were the one who encouraged me. But you talk about it like you 'made' me. Which is stupid. You said you were a girly girl until Al turned you into being a hard rock chick into horror and stuff, so I suppose it's the same thing.
I never said I was a girly girl until Al turned me into anything. Before Alonzo was around, I was watching WWF with my cousins and dad, I was listening to hard music, I was a horror fanatic in like 4th grade. I was a girly girl up until the age of 8 or 9, then I changed everything. I didn't let my bra "peak for the guys." In fact, it was constantly annoying to me that I'd have to adjust my shirts. As far as the "I made you" thing goes; that was because someone who you were friends with at the time, I can't remember who--I just remember it being someone who was friends with you, came up to me and was like: "Why do you copy Chez? You became a horror fanatic and alternative to be like her"--or some stupid shit, and I got extremely pissed. I have always prided myself in not being influenced by other people in choosing what I do, how I dress, etc- and to hear that someone thought I had copied you and then they made a remark like "she told me your first horror film was the ring", yeah I got hella angry. I was like "this bitch is saying some stupid shit, I liked all of this shit before I met her and hell I even got her into some of it-wtf." You want to say you were young and that accounted for most things, try being in my shoes at that point in time--I was the same age as you and I was dealing day in and day out with Ashley and random people having something to say about my relationship with Alonzo. Ashley, who would know where I was going before I did. Ashley who even after getting what she wanted, seemed to always talk about whatever I was doing.
And before you even go there, no thats not how it is with you. Shelly didn't even know who you were until I did that screencap post of you trying to follow me. And that was to set an example because I do have other people I deal with right now that are hella creepy. One of whom made a fake profile of a guy and pretended to be a guy for four years, stalking girls, getting their nudes, etc. So if I was really so "obsessed" with you, I think my best friend would have known more about you.

I got angry at comparisons because I started to hear it, more and more and I didn't get it. We were friends, we had similar interests but we were two different people. I didn't tell anyone you copied off of me. The time that was was when I was just ticked that as I was getting into more things like anime and all that japan stuff, you suddenly got into it on your own like immediately after, and were talking like everything you like is something that you came to on your own, when I was right there talking about it before you did. The big one being when I got really into Death Note and was carrying it around and talking about it, you jumped on it instantly after saying it was all on your own. So I took offense to that, thats literally the only thing I would have said you copied off of me.
Yes but you took your anger out on me and I remember telling you that I didn't consider us the same so why does it matter, but you were offended and pissed off alot and gave me an attitude. When I had no control over that shit.  Nicole DeAmorin got me into anime and manga, and I fought it really hard for a while. She'd always try to get me to watch Fruits Basket and some other shit. One day I gave in. I liked it. She showed me DeathNote, I loved it. I had actually drowned you out most of the time when you talked about anime and manga because I was so uninterested-as I was uninterested when Nikki first tried showing me. After I got into DeathNote, I realized it was something you had previously told me about because I recognized Misa as a picture you had once shown me on your computer in your basement or something. But I didn't know that it was the same thing you read/talked about by title until that point, and like I said it took Nikki a lot of effort to get me to look into it. I gave it a shot, I liked it. I still do. I want my own manga series library, not because of you-but because of Nikki, and I've always credited my interest in that stuff to her.

That Sean thing, Idk what was up with that because he was so self absorbed, that's why me and him had issues. That blow up I had was because of shit I was dealing with at home. I was dealing with a lot of shit and as a boyfriend he couldn't care less and wouldn't be there for me even when things were good. He was being a dick basically. Another time I had to leave my house because of so much shit going on, and got in trouble for that. I had tried to reach him so I could have some comfort from my boyfriend but he 'was busy and couldn't leave the house' so I went to Miki's. Then him and his friend strolled by like nothing happened. So I got pissed at him for that, I was already angry. Why he went to you, Idk, he kept telling me to not be friends with you because he thought you were a fake bitch but I kept telling him he just didn't understand and was being a douchebag. Yeah, there was a time I defended you.
This also pissed me off at the time. Whenever I'd try to tell you he wasn't much of a boyfriend, you'd get mad at me and defend him. And when you told me he didn't like me and said I was a bad influence, I got enraged. You want to know why I assume people always have a problem with me--just look at this shit in the past. I had never spoken to Sean prior to you dating him and he thought I was some fake bitch. Fake? Not in the least. Bitch? Probably because I cheated on Alonzo, and yes YOU were the one to inform me about him cheating on me and thats why I cheated so frequently because I was younger and didn't know how to handle it other than being vengeful. The first times I cheated I was still 14, and it was kissing and it was when Alonzo would ditch me on our montherversaries - which at the time, mattered to me. I was so sick of being a good gf and having a neglectful bf, that yeah I cheated.

Might I remind you, since you are making yourself sound like a saint here, how we met Warren and Joe? Because someone had a bag of liquor and a bright idea to hang out in the commons and walk off with the first strangers we met to go drink? In some shady dark place? Yeah I can't say much for myself either since I joined you, but you paired off with Warren leaving me and Joe to talk. I was having fun, we liked hanging out and somewhere in the mix introduced their friend Brandon to Miki. I don't remember getting into an arguement with you over this though, that slips my mind. That incident you are referring to that you so responsibly scolded me over apparently, was a one time thing that lasted a few minutes at most. I was young, active, and made my first risky decision. You were off alone with Warren all the time and walking around acting like you were hittin that regularly, and Miki was in the same room as I was gettin it on with Brandon, So I hardly consider something that lasted a few minutes and resulted in just talking and hanging out that scandalous. You were walking around acting like you had been doin shit with Warren and were so 'experienced' and 'skilled'.
Whenever I talk about how I met Warren, because he's been around in recent history, I do inform the people I'm talking to that I had a huge duffle bag of liquor with me and that we were supposed to meet up with james, we were not there to wait for strangers. I think you mixed something up. When they walked by, we said we thought they were hot and we'd probably never see such hot boys at the commons again, they came back, we talked, we needed to get rid of that liquor so we went with them. I didn't "pair off" the way you make it out-I walked next to him, got to know him. We didn't do anything that night but talk and he helped me get down from that hill we were on bc I was wearing heels or boots or something and was scared to fall. I wasn't alone with Warren all the time though, you're wrong there too. We had a few hangouts. The first time we even ever kissed he walked me to my guitar lesson and we kissed in the park. But there were only a few times where we did more than that because he felt bad about his gf and I didn't know what to think of it. I wasn't going to bring it up, but since you went on to bring up sloppy seconds--YOU KNEW I WAS HOOKING UP WITH WARREN BUT YOU WENT ONTO HOOK UP WITH HIM TOO, AND DO MORE. I don't believe you slept with him, but you did just as much. He told me, you confirmed part of it at the time. How much of a bitch could you be that knowing your friend was hooking up with someone, you'd then hook up with them too? I don't even get that. I never acted like I was hitting anything. In fact I made it a point back in those days that I was NOT sleeping with anyone because of all the shit I was getting from people who didn't even know my full name, much less my outside school activities.
Acting like I was so experienced and skilled? Ahaahahah, you and Lisa both asked me questions on various sexual things when the three of us went bowling one time. I told you that Alonzo never had a complaint and told you what "techniques" I'd use, because I considered it a girl friends convo. LOL.

I was pissed over that gift because you didn't deserve it. I was talking about getting you a new walkman since you were bummed that yours was broken and I was going to get you a ton of CDs. My mom comes home with the iPod without telling me and starts talking about it while I was on the phone with you, so I was literally between a rock and a hard place. My mom wanted to be the cool mom and I tried to tell her to take it back but she convinced me otherwise. You were being a snob at the time. I got pissed and asked for it back, and told my mom THAT'S why I didn't want you to have such a nice gift. We both asked for it back. It's not that there isn't a 'price on friendship' but since you were becoming a jerk, and that was an extravagant gift for my family to buy, it was a big deal to me. That was literally the only time I would think a friend of mine didn't deserve something, so way to go again and make grand assumptions that just because I was a dick to you about that one time that I must do that to everyone.

I didn't deserve it? Chez  I gave you and $80 plaid vest from Trash&Vaudville, as I mentioned my family regularly took care of you as far as food and rides everywhere. And my own mother was like "wow thats a great gift, what should we get her for her bday?" because my family believes in keeping things even and not just accepting things without doing something just as nice. I was being a snob? It was my sweet 16 and yes I got hella fucking stressed because I was trying to make sure everything went perfect. I had gotten annoyed because you and Lisa told me you'd check out places with me but then bailed on me the day we were supposed to so I had an attitude with you guys and my parents. My mom wanted me to be all dolled up but it was a costume party and I did think that was stupid, so I was flipping out. I try to make sure everything like events and shit goes perfectly, still do, and when things go the wrong way I do get mad and anxious. But a snob? LOL, hardly. And I expected you to understand that I was stressin because I had a lot of planning to do to make that all come together.

We made up because we were close friends despite everything that was happening from both sides, and there were worse people in our high school that we both couldn't bear to be around.
Thats just it. High school was full of "worse" people, yet I got a lot more bullshit than I signed myself up for. And I had Alonzo's friends on me about cheating on him, when he was cheating on me first and neglecting me prior, I had random girls being bitches to me because I was happy being pale and strange, I had Ashley's ass on me all the time, calling me out in fistfights, letting everyone in the world know I was a whore. You think I do the same to you, by the way you talk--I don't even think we were friends when three random girls who were a year below me told me they wanted to meet me outside after school because I stole Brian from Ashley and I was a whore and had to fight them. I didn't even know any of their names, in fact I thought they snuck into our school because I didn't even know they attended Nutley High. And while putting up with ALL OF THAT, I was hearing that you were talking shit and sometimes there would be stories that had names only people who had previously been close to me would have known. So yea, I believed you were in on it. I was fighting more people than I knew what to do with, it didn't really cross my mind that someone wouldn't have a problem with me.

don't recall being concerned that you'd ditch us for Brian. I remember us being concerned that you used both of us at different times to be a 3rd wheel, so your family would trust you with Brian so you could just spend the whole night grinding and making out while we just sat there with nothing to do. Real nice. It's totally fun to sit there on a couch staring at the floor while you are in his lap making out on the chair next to me, just assume I'd do whatever and occupy myself. We didn't tell you right away when we got together because we were nervous. You were a best friend to both of us and we didn't want it to get awkward. We were still getting used to what our relationship was, we didn't know how to tell you we had kissed. The next thing we knew, when we tried to talk to you about it, you exploded at us.
Brian and I made out a lot, thats true. But I wanted you two to like him and for us all to hangout. You both were heavily opposed to me dating him, especially Guzzo. I don't remember "using" you two for anything. I've never used anybody. I probably did show a lot of PDA to Brian because we had just started dating and for once, I felt like I had a boyfriend. I didn't explode because you told me. I exploded because I had known for a while BEFORE you told me, and you made me guess it out. The day you did tell me, Guzzo and you picked me up. I was very very close to Guzzo at the time, and honestly he never once told me about any issues he had with me so I assumed we were still good friends back than and I was very set on keeping it that way. I used to sit in the front seat of his car every time I drove with him, it was special to me-it meant something to me, he'd make everyone get in the back for me. You guys come get me and I was having a bad day, you tell me that this is your seat now. I felt replaced, but thats when I first got the hint that something was going on between you guys. I waited for you two to tell me. We went out to eat. You guys said nothing. I even made remarks trying to get you guys to just tell me. Nothing. I asked if you guys would hangout after wendys, you agreed, then we went to my aunts and you drove off. It wasn't til the next day that you called me and you said "have something to tell you" I said "what" you said "guess" I said "you & guzzo" you said "yea..what about us" I said "kissed" you said "more" i said "dating" you said "Yeah" I said "oh" you hungup. Nice way of telling me. I exploded because I felt like you two had just ditched me for eachother, showed no respect, and like I said I was in a bad mood the day before because of a fight with my mother over something. I was looking for Guzzo to be there for me and he wasn't, I blamed you--you're right.

You were being a jerk to both of us. We spent time together because you were busy doing whatever. Guzzo and I began to talk more, hanging out because you weren't around so we figure as your best friends to become friends ourselves, but we hit it off really well. I was going through my own shit, he was as well. He was upset because you were blowing him off. That he was always there for you at your beck and call and then when he needed someone to talk to you weren't there. You just turned every conversation into being about yourself, you twisted everything into talking about you you you. So he talked to me instead, and we helped each other out through a lot of shit because you were too preoccupied to care. We became close from that. I seem to recall after Ron's passing that you took to the spotlight and garnered as much sympathy as you could, because you were suffering the loss of your 'very close friend'. Guzzo was like a brother to Ron. He needed you MORE than you needed anyones sypmathy, but that was the turning point when everything became all about you. He couldn't talk to you because every conversation somehow got geared back to caring about your feelings and you not listening to anyone else. More than one person also said you might have been friends with Ron but were not nearly as close as you were claiming, which was just sickening to see you looking for that sympathy. You also made claims to hold services and memorials for him, but quickly moved on with your life and stopped caring and was more busy with a boyfriend than remembering your 'very close friends' birthday or death anniversary.

Don't either of you ever tell me I wasn't there for him over Ron's death. I skipped a class to be there for him, I disobeyed every rule my parents had on me to be there for him. I let him sleep over my grandma's and slept with my arm around him the entire night, listening to every word he said about Ron. I spent every minute of my free time around him, and sometimes Maddi, just trying to be there for him. You were away-you were down the shore, so do no tell me I wasn't a good friend to him. I didn't date Brian until after Ron's funeral, and I was there for Guzzo during the funeral, the wake, everything. I slept over his house trying to make him feel better-I'd lie to my parents and tell them I was at a female friend's house. If he wants to say otherwise, than he's a fucking asshole and did not deserve any of the support I tried to give him. When I was dating Brian, I tried talking to him about myself because I wanted his input on how to go about this new relationship. I wanted his feedback on what i should be doing, what i shouldn't be doing and for the most part he just expressed hatred about Brian.  I knew Ron was like Guzzo's brother, Guzzo used to tell me that Ron was his brother and I was his sister. And I tried to protect Guzzo's feelings as much as I could. I never made it about me. I did consider Ron close because I used to have frequent conversations with him about life on a nightly basis. I didn't hangout with them much in person because I had my own friends--such as you, Lisa, etc. But I did talk to Ron a lot, mostly on AIM to be honest. He told me he didn't like you and he didn't trust you, and he felt Sean shouldn't have dated you. I do remember that because he asked me why I was friends with you. I considered him a very smart man, and I wanted to have a memorial for him but Karlene was doing some wackass shit and just took over and had everyone helping her so I was like "...nevermind." Quick to move on? Brian was devastated over Ron. There was no quick moving on. But everyone hated Brian and before I could let us all talk about Ron together, I had to get them to forgive Brian and let him back into the group--which was hard. And heres the most brutal truth about everything regarding Ron and my standpoint--at one point, I was very very sad about it. I considered him someone to look up to, like I said I only went to his basement a few times, I only hung out with him at Jons here and there, I'd talk to him on the hill as he'd sit in front of the tree with his headphones on and smile, we'd make bs convos about celebrities and then school and love and life, we mostly talked on AIM really late at night though...but for a while I was very upset over all of it, and I considered getting a tattoo in memory of him...I wanted to get the big tree on the hill tattooed on my arm with a silohette of someone sitting near it with headphones and something he once told me over it. I had it all sketched out too. So maybe we weren't bffs but I did think incredibly highly of him for the convos we had and the advice he'd give me. However...my viewpoint changed. I got angry over it. I considered and still do consider suicide to be the most selfish thing you could ever do. I realized that this person I had idolized had done the stupidest thing he could have--he had all the potential in the fucking world, he was brilliant, and he just ended it. I won't go further out of respect, but lets just say...I stopped caring because I was disappointed.  If any of my close friends killed themselves, I'd be the same way. There is always another choice, always another way...and I'll never have respect for anyone who leaves this world that way. So yeah, it took me a few months to get to that point but when I did, I didn't look back. Also, the first birthday I had while dating Brian, we spent out at a ceremonial dinner for Ron's bday--with you, Guzzo, and Ron's family. Selfish? I told Brian I didn't care that we'd go to a dinner for Ron and not celebrate my birthday at all. If I was that selfish, I would have made it about me. I didn't.

I don't remember that being a big deal, I think I remember something about hanging out at your place afterwards but we changed our mind and wanted to be alone. You never said anything about it being such a big deal for you to get us to sleepover your place, we knew nothing about it being a 'major effort'. We got upset at you because you were fuming over stupid shit at the prom, things about how dare we dance to your song or something like that. You were being bitchy and snobby all night so we took off to spend time alone. Got some wendy's since the food at the prom was totally gone, and then we went to go see V for Vendetta. It was us that were done with your attitude, and tired of the princess wanting everything to be centered around herself. To this day you still measure everything in material form. So if you have or spend money on someone then they owe a debt to you to be your friend? Even if it's petty shit and you are being a completely selfish bitch? Now who puts a price on things?
You two are ridiculous. The song you are referring to is the one I had with Alonzo. The one I dedicated to him at my sweet sixteen. We had just broken up the month before and it still did bother me because I was younger and still a little traumatized that I got broken up with in a text message during a spanish midterm. I hadn't mentioned how much of an effort i put in because I didn't expect you guys to ditch and because I didn't want to come off that you owed me anything, I just wanted it to go well. I had a shitload of both of your favorite snacks at the house, I had videogames all set up, etc. I thought it would have been a nice surprise as a way of us all hanging out but you guys told me last minute you weren't showing, so yeah I got upset.
And don't tell me I measure everything in material form. I've paid for more than you'll ever understand, and I never once asked for anything from those people. I've never been a completely selfish bitch in my life. Like I said, you will never know what I've had to deal with and how much I've dealt with. When you were involved you can even point out pieces-like Sean having these negative opinions, like Ashley wanting to fight me--you don't think that having to deal with all of that, with people who had no reason to want to come at me but kept coming at me wouldn't make me into some kind of fighter of my own? You try taking on several fights at once, none of which you signed up for and see what kind of person it makes you. 
Don't sit there and tell me I haven't gotten better either. The people I have in my life right now are so protective because of just how much I have done for them and because of how much shit they've seen me endure calmly and rationally. Shelly said something to you because she was like "is this girl serious? shes made how many tweets bout nutley bitches?" and she thought it'd be funny to make a comment. I didn't tell her to, she just did. We did laugh at it. But the reason Shelly was so quick to say something is because Shelly knows better than anyone what its like to have people just throw animosity at you for no apparent reason. When it comes to you & I, I do feel I have my reasons as I've mentioned. But I didn't throw animosity at you. I never tried to fuck your life up directly or actively. People would come to me, tell me what they heard, I'd give them what I felt I knew. That was that. I've defended Shelly against people who can't even pronounce or know her real name at least a dozen times, so shes just as protective of me as I am of her. Thats all that was.

I don't know anything about him wanting to fight you? I know he's not that kind of person to do that to anyone, not then or now. I remember the note thing, he was really ticked off. I didn't get into that, I just tried to keep him calm and sane. We were both ticked off at you because you kept calling him nonstop going 'is SHE there, SHES there ISNT SHE' and shit like that at like 1am. Calling his cell and his house repeatedly, not caring for a word I had to say but just yelling at him and blaming me for everything. Everything which was nothing, just your crazy delusions. Yeah we were spending time together alone, we were a new couple. I don't think thats breaking any rules? We didn't have plans with you so we had no idea why you were flipping out so severely. Trying to talk to you, you just blamed it all on me. I also recall, since you are the goody two shoes you are, him recounting to me a time where you kept referring to him only as 'like a brother' and would never view him as more, yet you spent time watching a movie with him and tried to force his hand to cop a feel on you? That you kept nudging and insinuating to start feeling you up and he got pissed off because he didn't want to, and you got pissed that he didn't want to. So you are no prude saint, thank you very much.
Oh he should have not brought that up to you, not if he was going to lie about it ahaha. Lets set the story straight, and hopefully he's man enough to own up to it than. That night he talked to me in my driveway about your break up and me being right about you, we discussed more in time and he also told me that he had had a crush on me when I first started dating Brian and that he had told you, and wanted to tell me but didn't bc he was scared of what I would have said back. I was surprised, I had no idea. You never mentioned it to me and neither did he. Much much later in time, after Brian and I started fighting more severly, I slept over Guzzo's and we were laying down. He was giving me a shoulder massage like he used to and then i kissed him on the cheek, he kissed me on the neck, we started making out. Things went a little further but not much further. He didn't turn me down, we both stopped and said we shouldn't be doing that. Thats something I never did tell brian, not because I am still trying to hide it but because I had actually forgotten about it until now. SO thank you. I guess he wanted to talk badly about me without letting himself look bad for what he did too. Figures. I'll take this opportunity to say this about Guzzo; he's spineless at this point. You know he came up to me in BK not too too long ago and said he wanted to hangout again and he wanted to talk, and prior to that he even told me he was angry about you dating Paolo. I just think its funny--he'll hit me up and bitch a little bit about you, and then I guess decide he cares more for you and try to tell you things about me without the full truth behind them. And stories about him almost dying or almost getting hurt or whatever...yeah, you know what, I am much better without that. I'm diluted? HA. At least I will own up to everything I've ever done without changing the events.

You fucked that friendship up, with me and with him. We didn't tell you like THE MOMENT we made out, we tried to find a time to talk to you about it, it was an awkward situation. When we did talk to you, you exploded and wouldn't calm down, calling him like a madman and blaming it all on me. We both said 'well fuck that noise' and continued with our relationship and friendship without you. And when we broke up, it was a rough time. He was angry and upset, so of course he went to you and said those things. I said my things too about him. We have spoken about every last little thing and resolved everything so that's that I suppose. Our friendship and relationship no longer had anything to do with you.
The reason I was pissed was because he had backed me up in how I had felt about you prior. And honestly, take a deep hard look at this--he was very very close to me, I start dating Brian, he all of a sudden feels neglected and says I don't give him enough attention--later one he admits to having had a crush on me and getting mad that i dated brian. In fact I remember being with him and Maddi and me and Maddi like play fought near B&N, you were there (I think), and Guzzo got quite and annoyed--later on he told me it was bc he thought I was flirting with Maddi and was jealous, and that when I told him I liked Maddi, it pissed him off. SO he turns to you, not because I'm a neglectful friend because believe me when it came to guzzo I tried to be as great of a friend as I could be, in fact Brian felt like I gave guzzo more attention but didnt mind because he wanted to be cool with guzzo again. He starts dating you--you and me, yeah I had problems with you because I thought you just manipulated him into thinking I was a bitch when I wasn't. I was a bitch to you in those days for that reason, but to him it was only after everything went down.  He came to me, talked to me, so thats how it "had to do" with me because I was now being informed and he was asking me to be his friend again.

You pushed me to get with Pat. You introduced me to them. And you kept insisting 'oh he's so cute, you should go for it, he's totally into you.' I was on the rebound from Sean, I was still really upset and angry over that. Pat being a desperate guy was being really pressuring for me to get with him. I kept telling him to give me time, I literally was just out of a relationship. Then during one late night hangout with a group of their friends in the woods to explore some Weird NJ tunnels, I got freaked the fuck out being in a tunnel surrounded by the gnarliest spider things. He was there for me and helped me avoid a panic attack, and with all of that combined, I wanted someone to lean on. So I spent more time with him. We held hands hugged and kissed. And yeah, the more time I spent with them, I was more relaxed and enjoyed Martins company more, he wasn't as lame as pat. I didn't try 'getting' with either of them. I in fact had to turn Pat down more than once, since he persisted in talking about 'so WHEN we have sex, I'd rather NOT use a condom since I hear it makes it feel not as good' which his brother told him or something. That weirded me out and I broke up with him eventually. I was just glad for the rebound, someone to spend time with and a way out of the house and to be with friends, not dwelling on my previous relationship. So thanks, yet again, for jumping to your conclusions and spreading it as fact.

I remember you calling me about the weird NJ thing and explaining how something scared you. You never told me much about your relationship with Pat, all I knew was you were dating him and then tried to kiss Martin or something. Then claimed to have no interest in either after Martin told Pat. How do you think that came off?

Ok, if I ever called you a whore, it was probably like once. Sorry if I got that impression from the way you always pranced around thrusting your boobs in dudes faces, going on being coy about the things you had done sexually and how you were so 'skilled' and the shit you'd do with Alonzo. Cuz we all totally enjoyed hearing that. And you being all over Warren. And you acting like because I had no experience with a guy like that that I was so 'naive'. I do recall you being the one sucking on an ice pop erotically for whatever dude you had in your basement at the time in order to show off how it's 'done'. And giving me 'advice' to wear too small shirts to make your boobs look bigger. You really had a chest complex now that I think back to it. Miki and I didn't talk about you. If we did, it was pretty brief, we said whatever we wanted and that was that. I know I had my laughs when people came up comparing me to you. I hated that, because I don't like being compared to anyone, especially when that person is completely different. We didn't go around town with posters and flyers advertising we thought you were a whore, so again I have no idea who on earth always comes up to you and informs you that I'm shit talking about you. If I said anything, I had a right to, I was pissed. You were a selfish bitch who acted like a slut, which is funnier if you weren't actually. And might I remember the time when you told me you just wanted to fuck Adam Spinner but then never see him again, and I told you that was stupid. You then went on to flirt shamelessly around him, laugh at every joke, take every chance to touch him or throw your boobs in his face, and I called you out on that in the cafeteria. That is the cafeteria argument I remember, because I remember your face was priceless. And if we had the impression you slept around frequently behind your boyfriends back even if it was just sucking dick and holding hands, we weren't the only ones. There was no need to talk about it because other people already had the same impression. And I didn't care. I would call you a shitty friend and an attention whore and drop it at that.

Haha I never threw my boobs in anyones face. You're so full of shit with that. I wore tight tank tops my sophmore year and that year only, after that I was always in hoodies and PJs for the most part because I'd go to wake up, go to school, do my hw, hang out with my bf n friends and go to sleep. The ice pop thing, really? LOL, cause I was making jokes you think I'm slutty? I was never selfish, ONCE AGAIN. I would always put other people before myself unless I felt they had taken advantage of my kindness, in which I'd respond with looking out for myself and not giving a fuck what happened to those people. I did not act like a slut. While in school, I barely talked to anyone. I would focus on my schoolwork and just respond to people who kept trying to fight me or tell me about me. I did say that about Spinner, you're right. I thought he was hot because of how he dressed, and I had thought it would be funny and better if (since we were friends) to just do something like that and have no regrets by just not ever seeing eachother after. It was a stupid thought, who cares? I didn't fuck him, obviously, he's gay, and I didn't fuck anyone until my senior year and that was only Brian. I laughed at Spinner's jokes because I did find them funny, not because I was being fake. And its amusing because when we were friends I know I had mentioned a thousand times over that I had not slept with anyone, so please stop pretending that you didn't know I wasn't sleeping around because I was quite open about what i was doing and it never involved sleeping with anyone. You guys weren't the only ones? LMFAO yeah because Alonzo's old friends had their shit with me, your old friends-Meg, Raquel, that prude crew thought I was a "wild" girl simply because I had a bf and I made out with him--umm didn't Katie get on your ass for kissing Sean the first day you went out? Really use your fucking head. And Ashley had people believing this and that because I was dating Brian and she got mad over it. Of course a lot of people had that impression about me. I just described three of the "circles" in high school. The only ones that weren't involved were the more cheerleader/jocks/whatever you wanna call them, and from them I just heard I was a freak for dying my hair or dressing the way I did. So Al's friends were a year above us, I got shit from them. Ashley was in our grade, as were your old friends, they had shit to say. Ashley was friends with madd girls younger than us, so they had shit to say. Obviously my reputation suffered because I had so many people who hated me for idiotic reasons.
And again, I was not an attention whore. I tried getting all of that to die down over and over and a lot of it went past the point of being ignored. Ashley threw rocks at me, couldn't very well ignore that. Your old group had Joanna's parents convinced I was a bad influence when they knew nothing for fact. Couldn't ignore that my best friend was being slightly taken away  from me. I had to respond, so I did. I lashed out on everyone who I felt was fucking with me because I was sick of being the nice girl, which yeah I was nice. If anyone talked to me, I never was rude to them. If anyone asked me for help, I helped. I wasn't some asshole who only cared about herself and was trying to get every boy to think she was hot--as you made this out to be. If someone asked me something like that, I got so sick of defending myself that I'd get sarcastic and be like "yup, I'm going to get drunk this weekend, go to some random party, and fuck the first guy whos name begins with f that i can find? why f? because i chose that letter this morning as a ritual for this kind of thing since i do it often." I was tired of it. You think I spent so much time talking about you but I had to spend so much time fighting off people, that it barely concerned you.

So cheating and actually getting some while cheating are two totally different things? That doesn't really add up to me but ok. You certainly went around acting like you were getting some but I guess you were just referring to all the dick you were sucking since that's what all the guys had to say about you. Were you trying to act cool by making it seem like more than that? I also heard that Al was cheating on you left and right, and even Guzzo told you to get out of that relationship. And you talking to us about how it's one thing if you cheat with guys behind Als back but it was TOTALLY different if Al were to ever cheat on you. Which is when we realized you were a dumbass. With your cheating on Al, if you really were doing nothing but 'kissing and making out' then that's hilarious since they seemed to be getting head from you and you strutting around like you were riding them whenever Al wasn't looking. I don't know anything about your relationship with Brian. When anyone would bring you up during that time I would just laugh and not care, and keep the gossipers away because I didn't want to get involved in that mess. All I head from your relationship with Brian was that you were fucking Anwar on the side and trying to hide it, lying to anyone who asked and to Brian. Telling Anwar you wanted to leave Brian for him but 'couldn't' and then you didn't end up with either of them. Hence: Hypocrite.
I don't know how you can call someone who kisses fifteen people a whore. Thats what I was saying. I didn't "suck every guy's dick," as you make it out. If you weren't informed enough to know that i wasn't sleeping with people, despite me making that clear back than, you must not be informed enough to know the truth here either. However, a girl who sleeps with numerous people, that I can see as a whore. Kissing is much more innocent than sex. And I believe you even mentioned that you pecked Nikki's ex on the lips and didn't know why guzzo was freaking out--okay so there you admit kissing is more innocent. How did I fucking act like I was getting some? You make no goddamn sense with this. I wasn't going on about how orgasms felt or any of that. Hell, heres even more truth for you--I didn't let anyone touch me, I'd only do stuff to them IF IT GOT TO THAT POINT because I didn't want anyone near me that way. Thats how much of a I'M NOT FUCKING ANYONE person I was. I never said it was a double standard, I said I wouldn't UNDERSTAND why Al would cheat on me since I was not the one ignoring him, being a shitty girlfriend etc whereas my reasons for cheating were just that--that he was being neglectful, that he was an asshole, that he was never around for anything so it'd make sense if I cheated. Again, I never strutted around like I was fucking anyone. How can you even do that outside of saying "I get so much action," or something like that. It makes no sense. And yeah, I eventually got with Anwar. Brian kept walking on during our fights, Brian kept "ending" it then five minutes later taking it back. I got sick of it. I tried ending it, he said he'd kill himself. I was scared. When I broke up with him during a car ride, he started driving really fast saying nothing mattered anymore--got even more scared. Then he just told me I was his gf even after I broke it off, like he wouldn't accept the breakup. I wanted to date Anwar. I just didn't know how to handle all of that mess. I didn't end up with either of them because Anwar did turn crazy, and because Brian just made me so sure that I'd never want to end up with him. And it got to a point where I just couldn't care about his feelings anymore or be scared of what he'd do to himself because it was killing me to be with him.
29th-Jan-2010 03:53 am - Introduction - Tea Party
tattooed
Welcome, Welcome
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